India United

Sep 14 2008

I got a call from a friend of mine to check if I ve survived yet another series of blasts. I followed the suit and called up all near and dear ones to check if they were fine. That is the only action that comes to our mind when somethin like this happens in our country. Buddin TV news channels and reporters try to get the best shot by showing the smudges of blood on roads, ripped dustbins and askin terrified people silly questions. This is the only thing we are concerned with, condemning everythin but waitin for someone else to take a step for us(This includes me as well).

This post has been in pipeline for past 3 months and in the mean time we have been rocked by gruesome acts like Mumbai attacks and several blasts around the country(But we are used to these small incidents now). News channels swung into action as soon as they struck, clickin pictures or injured people, interviewing commandos or rescued hostages. They even went ahead and showed the live footage of rescue operations endangering the lives or both the hostages and the commandos executing the operation.

Some of our prestigious leaders made this a communal issue and tried to cash in votes. Congress and UPA leaders termed Mr. Hemant Karkare are martyr and propagated his death as supreme sacrifice in the line of duty just because he was involved in a hindu bashin case prior to his death. They even went aboard and speculated his death as handiwork or Hindu extremists tryin to save their sorry face in Malegaon blasts. These are the same pseudo secularists who doubted the sacrifice of Inspector M.L Sharma when he was gunned down by terrorists in Jamia and even claimed that he was killed by police only and not by those innocent students of Jamia who were wrongly framed.

These acts of vote bank politics create a friction between two sections of society in a time when they both should hold together. Shahrukh Khan said in an interview that there are two versions of Islam, one which was originally created generations back as a sapling of islam and the other one created and used by Mullah's for their own selfish purposes. This might be his only statement that I completely agree with. The need of the hour is to stand United rather than fight amonst ourselves and die. We have tried solvin this issue by may ways like demolishin babri, killin kar sevaks, bombin temples etc etc I think standin united is the only option left. This is the only way India can triumph.

Things you should do at workplace!!!

When i joined my organization I was determined to work like every other fresher is...

I was lookin forward to workin in a live project n perform to my best level. But ironically IT companies prefer to keep a person on bench when he is most willing to work. And, its only after couple of months when the person learns exactly how to shy away from work or how to play games at office they put him to some serious work. Its because of that experience I am sittin in office n writing bout wat you shd do at office...
This might not be an exhaustive list as then it wd look like a jargon but still it has few kinks that might help you start..Specially for few frenz of mine who still work religiously after almost an yr of toiling their sweat for their respective PMs..

1. Holidays. If you really need a big day off never risk it in advance. Office is not a multiplex where it will get house full if u are late in booking the tickets. Instead its like making night with a babe, if you plan it in advice you ll ruin the fun n also either she will definitely fall sick on D Day or her parents would be visiting her. Therefore, always call in sick the very last minute( From the pub). Don't worry somebody will be covering for you even if it means that they have to leave their girlfriends to come to office for your work. It's not charity you know and anyway it's not your fault that he get to see his girlfriend once in six months.

2. Horde. If you have any idea that might help someone at workplace to work more efficiently then make sure you never discuss it with anyone. Because this would mean trouble for you coz if you two are in diff teams then your manager will coax you to compete him or worse if you are in same team then you will have more work on your table for which you ll have to give away ur sleepin, chattin, coffee or some other constructive time at office. The motto shd be "To have and to hold".

3. Undermine. If someone talks bout a brilliant idea in a meeting never forget to ridicule it. Point out every way it can and it will fail. Tell everybody how a friend of urs applied this idea at his office and all of them lost their jobs, homes and few of 'em were even jailed. It will seem tough in first few encounters but slowly you have to master the art. The idea here is not only to get the idea thrown out but the motto should be to send the person out along with the idea.

4. Deny. Never accept a mistake you did. If you screwed up blame it on somebody and everybody. Blame it on the timid office mouse who never moves off his cubicle, blame it on anyone who was in vicinity of ur desk in last 6 months. And if nothin works you can always blame everythin on Pakistanis, at the end of the day they are the reason of all our problems..right??

4. Cell Phones. Never ever keep ur cellphones on silent mode and doin so in a meeting is strict no no. Cellphones are like status symbol in office and the frequency of calls represents how much busy that person is. If ur fren calls you in between a meeting raise your cellphone to signal everybody to be silent and then discuss with ur fren then why can't you come before 10 on fri night for his surprise birthday party and how much work you have(dun forget to txt him after the meeting that you ll be there by 6). If anybody else's phone should ring nod ur head in disapproval and whisper "disgraceful" so that its audible to everyone in the room. Never reject a call from some credit card company or some other marketing company these are like loosners which u can slog for six. As soon as they tell you bout product say that you are very busy and ask them to call you on weekend. Try to be a bit loud so that your manager can hear this.

5. Shadow. Always leave 30 secs after your manager leave and come 30 seconds early. This will make ur manager think that you are committed to the company. If by chance someone comes late or leaves early don't forget to shake ur head in disapproval whilst making some noise that your manager makes a note about that person.

6. Drinks. Coffee is used as aspirin in office and its intake shows how much workload a person has. So if you dun take coffee then you better strt gettin cups from pantry after every couple of hours and dumpin 'em in bin after few minutes i.e. if you can't drink it. But at the end of the day there must be at least 4-5 empty cups of coffee in the bin next to your seat. This will confirm your manager's belief that this guy is really workin his head out.

So now since you have been thru the preliminary course on "how to survive at workplace" I hope you all will be able to apply all these fundas at ur workplace too. Any suggestions to make life good for me at my workplace are welcomed...

The Monk who did somethin crazy...

Ahem!!!

Its really a dauntin' task to spare out few minutes to write a blog...But I do enjoy wen m being paid for it...Yess Being paid!!!!
Dun' jump off ur seat my company dun know that they are payin me for writin my blog...Well to me this is in compensation of those evenings I ve spent in office and those weekends I ve devoted to attendin unnecessary trainings...

Well there has been lot many happenings in my life in past few weeks...But couldn't pen 'em all coz of time crunch...
While most of them were mishaps but the biggest of 'em all was The Return of Mak (Sounds like the Star Wars IV: The Return of Jedi)... But u won't believe it was much worse (pun intended).... I had to explicitly specify that unlike those flamboyant authors who make their words speak aloud with expressions....

Couple of days back I was skimmin through my old books n suddenly I found this nice little book which an altruistic fren of mine game me way back in college with a pretty decent feedback...But I never really got any opportunity to read that or I should say never really felt like readin it... But this time my alter ego cried from within n asked me to read it once...So I took it out n sat down on my bed to read one of the bestseller (that's what the cover claimed). The name of the book said somethin like "The Monk who sold his Ferrari". This line made my mind go bonkers...How in the world can a monk a Ferrari....maybe be he loaned it somehow n that’s why he had to sell it...I thought this book might help me in gettin a Ferrari for myself too (Though I won't sell it afterwards also I plan to pay the complete duty and taxes unlike our esteemed cricketer "He who should not be named”). Well I opened the book...The author had expressed gratitude to almost every living person on this planet...Now I was able to figure it out why the book was a bestseller coz 90% of the people would have a bought it to find a suitable name for their children as that book had almost every possible livin name in it....But god had somethin else in store for me...Before I could satiate my growin suspense I had to leave for some work (Explicit Content - Word Censored).

But today mornin I got a sight of it while gettin ready for office...n I quickly slipped it my bag so that I can satisfy myself with extract of such a grateful writer..Who knows my name also be might there...n moreover it can't be worse than the chaos that I get to see everyday while commutin to office....I never understood why do ppl always hurry to office wen they can relax and can go a bit late well as far as I am concerned I constitute that segment of junta which uses Company Transport to commute...Which a person in normal circumstances should never do...Well for me I would say... “Good Judgment Comes from Experience and experience comes from bad judgment.”

So after waitin for a bit longer than 15 mins on the bus stop I should have guessed that today might not be the right day to read this masterpiece but as I said above u need experience for it. So finally the bus came n boarded quickly and bombed myself at a nice lookin and seemingly comfortable seat...Took the book out and kept my bag aside...n I started.... It started with a courtroom scene in which a lawyer had a heart attack...poor fella...Then the author started describin the lawyer...That guy had some serious Midas touch...He had all a person could dream of (This line refers specifically to the male community as other half generally looks for a guy with all that rather than lookin for all those things directly). With all that money around I was surely gainin some serious interest in it but somehow I got hit by a canon...That idiot sold everythin and left for India....It was like the most weird thing one could have ever done...I mean if u got some serious heart problem get a cardio machine man n work out on it...At max it ll cost few grands wats the purpose of sellin each n everythin??And even if for some reason u did...why the hell are u comin to India?? To Get mugged up or wat???

Enough of this crazy person....I said to myself

I was hopin that this guy might help me buyin one for myself instead he might drive me to sell the one I own...

With dark clouds hoverin my mind...I closed the book hurriedly as if I was readin some porn magazine content which has been spotted by some school teacher...This rapid action of mine left the sittin next to me droolin...He really thought that I had a copy of debonair which he could lay his hands on...Before he could say somethin i quickly flashed the book cover out and he instantaneously turned his head..Maybe he had a similar experience as me...Even m gonna behave like that at the sight of that book next time onwards...

I wish to god that he shower his blessings on my fren as well as on the author and especially on all those whose names were mentioned there...I dun know wat they would have sold after readin this book....

As far as book is concerned...Its still in my bag as of now...But its juz a matter of couple of hrs before it gets lost again in that rubble of anonymity where it came from...and my quest for a masterpiece which could really help me buy a Ferrari continues....An Endless Quest...

Freaky Friday!!!!

Friday 7:oo AM
Unknown location in my Bedroom:

Somthin' start buzzing and m still seeing that beautiful gal that I met last night she had that charisma around her that kept attracting me towards her the whole night. My friends have been askin me to go n talk to her for past so many hours but am a bit hesitant. The party is about to be over and soon everybody will be leavin for their homes....Shit!!!!.. I don't even know her name. :-( Maybe its time to go and talk to her she might just talk. I started counting my heartbeat 72...75...79...82....89...90 I mite faint till I reach there. I took a long breath n started walkin a bit faster my mind is bamboozed with so many thoughts "what if she already have a boyfriend", "wat if he is Schwarzenegger types" , "or maybe she don't even like boys coz I haven't seen a single boy around her all night"."Hi am Ankur"I said in a bit hesitant tone."I know..I ve been seeing you the whole night “She said with a smile on her face as if She was waitin for me to come to her n talk."Whhhaa....whhhattt!!!"I blurred. She got up and started talkin but I couldn't hear what she was sayin maybe the place was too noisy.. Maybe the music was gettin louder gradually..Hey wait a minute isn’t that the tone of my phone!!!!
I lie on my bed facing towards the ceiling and my phone alarm gettin louder each n every second. I find my way through the haywire on my bed to find that object(Dunno who invented it but I felt like killing that person that very moment..I wish I shd have studied in my school days so that I must have know who invented alarm or phone so that at least I could have cursed them). "Snooze" said one the button on that irritatin device to kill that sound. Suddenly there is a pin drop silence in my room which is soon broken by knock on the door.
Mom came in and said "Beta jaldi tayaar ho ja nahin toh late ho jayega."
"Aaj kya day hai??" My usual question for 5 horrendous days(Mon-Fri).
"Beta aaj Friday hai kal so lena."She said with a smiling face then switched on the light and went towards the kitchen.

"Why does god had to make FRIDAY"... If he wanted 7 days in a week so dreadly he could have added another Sunday am sure everyone would have loved that. But at that moment I could have even managed with a single week with 4 weekdays.... At least I could have spoken to that gal na...
"Jo bhi ho she was amazin"...I said to myself.
I lie on my bed as if I have just completed the Guinness record of being awake for max days. I heard couple of days back that someone managed without that for 16 days
"Wat a loser."....I thought
With that I started recollectin my thoughts..tryin to reconnect to that dream which I had to stop in between and I was almost successful when 5 minutes of extra time got over and referee blowed the same ring tone again and I lost this time too without scorin a single goal. This time I gently pressed the "Stop" button as I was in a better state of consciousness than the previous time and I knew I won't be gettin a new phone until iPhone is launched in India. I got up cursing everyone in this world from guy that sold me that phone to the person who interviewed me and selected me.

11:00 AM
Undisclosed location in Ggn(It’s not Area 51 it’s my office!!!)

"Aaj kis kis ka match hai yaar" Someone in the next cubicle asked.
"Delhi Daredevils vs. Rajasthan Royals...It’s the first semi final"...I said proudly as my city somehow crippled to the semis..
"Aaj to Veeru kamaal karega tum dekhna..."A third person too joined the conversation.

12:30 PM

"Abe last match mein Mumbai kharaab kheli nahin toh woh pahunch jaati" Now we were gettin people to support almost every team...

01:15 PM

"Lag gayi shart..shaam ko pata chal jayega..Beta Rajasthan is by far the best team in the tournament" A proud Rajasthan supporter said..
The deal was sealed and the bet was on...Now all pressure was on Warny n Veeru.

03:00 PM

I just came back from a team lunch.. A teammate of mine was leaving the organization to do his MBA.
"I am doin it for the betterment of the society"..That’s wat he wrote in his last mail to us.
I thought wat do I have to do for the betterment of the society??
Maybe go back to sleep or or...
Oh Shitt!!! I had a call to attend at 2..I rushed towards the conf room hoping that my TL mite not have bothered to ask about me.

05:00 PM

Sssshhhhh... m still in call...These ppl are talkin in Spanish...
"Hey guys Antonio needs to leave early today so we will be ending the call at 3:30 our time i.e. 7 PM ur time." Said my TL.
"Do Spanish ppl also watch IPL??"...I asked myself..
"Maybe...after all it’s pretty popular and with these cheerleaders around there were pretty good chances that they might do"...
"Well watever!!! But I should have asked for somethin bigger than this today..."I told myself..

07:14 PM

I fired down the stairs as the elevators in these DLF buildings are awful and the match would have ended by the time I would got one to take me to Lobby..

Few Minutes Later(Dun know the time)

"Sir dekhna aaj Delhi jeet jayegi" Said another Delhi fan unaware of neither my past nor future of Delhi Team...
"Aapko drop karke main bhi ghar jaake match hi dekhoonga"...The cabbie continued...
"Mera ghar aapke ghar ke paas hi hai"......
"Bhaiya Radio chala dijiye please" I said a gentle no to all Gyan uploadin that he was tryin to do on my Server....
The rest of the journey was silent with romantic songs from Jab We Met playin n I thinkin bout the gal I met yesterday night....

10:00 PM

I didn't said to anyone that Delhi was gonna win this one. I always say may the best team win. With these thoughts I tried flippin through the channels but thanks to growin news channels every time I flipped a channel I saw a new headline
"Delhi ko teesra jhatka"...
"Delhi ka chautha wicket out"...
"Dilshan bhi pavilion mein"....
"Delhi semi final haar gaya!!!"..Said one channel who claims to be sabse tez..
I quickly switched to Set Max and saw few batsmen still tryin their luck out...
Maybe the news channel crew had foresightedness...Well in this case everybody had that...I had that almost 30 mins back...
I closed my TV and sat in front of my PC...See I dun like playin Nicolas Cage in Next..I dun like predictin things so am better off doin things which I can't predict...
After 2 1/2 hours of rigorous surfin and a bit of bloggin(yup my first one) am finally over with this freaky Friday...

01:00 AM

I lie on my bed in almost similar position in which I woke up to this mornin lookin forward to another Freaky Friday in my life...Or maybe a Subtle Saturday this time.....

The Past....The History

Okay..
What!!! I can't believe that my first word in the world of bloggin' is OKAY!!!Well how lame that sounds. Anyways to start with I am still wondering why am I doin this blog thingy outta all things in the world. The truth is I love to write but I am sure nobody would bother to spend a penny of his/her on my writing well after all am no Chetan Bhagat or Dan Brown for that matter(Those are 2 of the very few names I know). So I thought this mite be a good idea to try and write things and get them published who cares if people dun read 'em and send me fan mails I am still a writer.

So lets carry on with a bit about me. Well I am another software engineer in this billion strong industry and work for another MNC who truly believes humans are as good as robots and they dun even need electricity to get charged up. I don't have much plans to tell a lot about me coz if I do so this blog will be banned coz of explicit content. When I opened Blogspot in my browser the first glimpse gave me a obsured feeling thought wats the purpose of blogging dude lets close this and get to bed but then another half of me asked me to just login and try 'n' write couple of lines n lets see how it goes. So somehow I manged to log in and then came the bouncer "Name your Blog" see am very bad is naming things or people for that matter(but still managed to coin Mak for a fren of mine which he still flashes with a flamboyant style but it was also me who nicknamed his another fren Vasco yes Vasco after the Legendary Vasco De Gama. See my fren dun have any grudges for that..am I right mate???). So back to naming the blog I strted thinking what word could ideally replace me n voila I have found another fantasic(I know its an Understatement) term for myself "THE AVALANCHE". Everytime I think things are going great and everything is stable at its position the world comes crashin' down on me. Yess this "crashin' down" gave me idea for the Blog Address. Hmmm.. I think u all must be havin a fair idea now of this first step of mine towards ummmm....(m still thinkin' of a word to put here plz post in comments if you have any)